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Who is this Person Living in my House? Rediscovering Your Spouse

March 29, 2010

Do you remember when you first met the man or woman who is now your spouse? I’m not just talking about the first time you said hello, but the early time in your relationship when you were really getting to know each other.

I remember those days like they were yesterday. Michelle and I met in college and, though we didn’t officially date for about a year after we met, we spent countless evenings engaged in conversation until three or four o’clock in the morning. We talked about everything, sharing details of our past lives and painting elaborate visions of our hopes and dreams for the future. We’d discuss our faith and philosophy, sharing the new ideas we’d discovered in our college courses. I’d walk her back to her dorm in the early morning hours, already eager to reconnect with her the next day and continue our conversations.

Now almost six years into our marriage, Michelle and I were recently challenged to think about what quality time looks like in our relationship. With three kids under the age of five, it’s rare that we sit down to relax before about 9:00p.m. By that point, we’re usually ready to turn off our minds and turn on the TV.

We make little moments for each other in the midst of our family chaos, and get out for a date about twice a month or so. Even in those times, we usually find ourselves so tired from work and parenting that our conversations stop somewhere short spectacular. Dawning on this realization, we faced the fear that one day we’ll wake up as empty-nesters and not really know each other anymore.

In order to stave off this reality, we committed to taking time to have real conversations, to reading and discussing books together and to engaging in conversation on thought provoking questions, just like we did in those early days of discovering each other. In other words, we recommitted to living in a relationship with one another, rather than just existing with each other.

There is too much temptation in marriage to live parallel lives, where each spouse lives their separate lives and never really come together to grow. Great couples grow together. Take some time this week to turn off the TV and rediscover your spouse. Here are a few questions to get you started:

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

What one thing have you not done that you really want to do?

What’s holding you back?

If you could offer a newborn child only one piece of advice, what would it be?

If you could be given another talent or ability, what would you want it to be? Have you ever – really – tried to perfect this ability in yourself?

At what time in your recent past have you felt most passionate and alive?

See more thought provoking questions here:
25 Questions that Provoke Thought – Courtesy of Marc and Angel Hack Life

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